i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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