i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
