I hate all girls vehemently.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
