I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
