I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
