I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
