Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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