I just saw a hot homeless man
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
