im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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