Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
