I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
