I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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