I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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