I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize