I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
The beer is more important than you right now.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
