hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
