I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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