whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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