Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
