he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
