sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
