I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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