Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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