I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
