Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
