so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
