walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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