My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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