he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize