I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
