wakey wakey hands off snakey
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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