So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
