yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
