The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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