you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
