I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
