we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
