he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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