i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize