Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
