Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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