No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
