You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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