Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
