she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
