Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
