no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Randomize
