Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
