my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
