Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
