morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
These tits shall not be calmed
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
