I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
