walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
