Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
