we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
