I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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