Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
