I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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