there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
