Small penises have feelings too.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
