i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
